Let me be honest. At this point in time my life is crazy. Let me say that again – my life is  CRAZY! In fact, I would call it unhealthily busy. We are in the process of getting another year of homeschooling to the finish line, we are foster parents to an adorable little girl that means regular appointments with physio, occupational, and speech therapists as well as her pediatrician and psychologist. Along with all of this we are in the process of adopting an eight year old girl which means a conundrum of conference calls, emails, phone calls, appointments with our social worker, and soon eight hour drives as we begin to maneuver our way through the process of transitioning our new daughter into her new life with us. Whew! As I type this out, I suddenly feel better about the constant whirring of blurry thoughts racing through my head. I am okay with this because I know this is just for a season, but let me tell you our social worker was not kidding the other day when she informed me that it will be ‘hair straight back’ for us for the next few months!

I tell you all of this to help you understand the state of mind I was possibly in the other day when suddenly the chorus of tiny human voices inundated the quiet bliss I had been enjoying. As each of my three little people made their grand entrance from the backyard, and my previous quiet instantly dissipated, I felt my irritation level skyrocket. My tired brain began to try to make sense of the gazillion questions, elaborate stories, and pleas for help. Probably what irritated me most was the fact that each of them was simultaneously competing for my one hundred percent attention. Finally with one hand held high like a traffic sergeant, I barked out in a tone that had each of them gasping for air as they stopped mid-sentence. “See this here?” I tapped my head emphatically. Three pairs of eyes stared at me puzzled. “How many brains do you think this head holds?” My eyes turned to my ten year old for a response. “uuumm, one.” He stared at the floor somberly completely perceiving the lecture they were all about to receive. “That’s right. ONE brain. And how many voices are pouring into that one brain right now?” My ten- year old glumly replied, “Three”. “Exactly! Now I hope you guys understand that this ONE brain can only handle ONE voice at a time.” The next few moments were much less chaotic.

There have been a lot of these sort of occurrences lately. My brain is simply a bit overloaded. God knows I want to be the best parent I can possibly be and I just don’t like the fact that I’ve been a little extra snappy and irritable lately. All of this led me to an empty parking lot the other day during my son’s violin lesson to have a good heart to heart with God. There I sat, Starbucks in hand, a steady stream of tears pouring down my face! Let me tell you dear Mama’s if you’ve never tried sitting in an empty parking lot in your minivan, with your favorite Starbucks drink in hand, pouring your heart out to God, then I suggest you try it. It’s very liberating! Anyway, I just let it all out. I knew I’d gotten to the heart of my struggle when I cried to God, “it’s just so hard when you go to bed at night, feeling like you have tried so hard all day but your best wasn’t good enough.” At that point, I felt God speaking to me, “your best is never good enough.” I pondered that thought briefly. I thought about how human effort is speckled with flaws and mistakes. I thought about the Bible verse that says, your righteousness is as filthy rags, in its context meaning that any human good next to God’s good is never going to be good enough. I then thought about how much I have learned about myself and God throughout the years.

As I meditated more on this truth, peace flooded in. I simply prayed then that God would take my efforts and transform them into something amazing for his glory, that he would bathe my parenting in his grace, strength, and forgiveness. Suddenly I then realized that when given to him, my best is good enough. I thought about the fruits of the Spirit listed in Galatians and prayed he would help me grow in things like kindness, gentleness, peace, etc. I realized that when I give my best to God, He can and will improve my best. Suddenly I felt refreshed and inspired, renewed strength to go on, renewed strength to continue to serve the family God has blessed me with.

Needless to say, I drove to pick my son up from his violin lesson with a heart light with joy. During the fifteen minute drive home, I had the most wonderful and transparent conversation with him as I explained why I’d reacted the way I had to specific incidents that day, why I’d been feeling a little extra stressed, and why I had certain expectations for him. If there’s anything I’ve learned as a parent, it’s that a kid responds exceptionally well when you come down to their level and get real with them about your own humanity, your weaknesses and failures in a way they can relate to.

God reiterated an important truth to me that day; he wants us to come to him just as we are, pouring our hearts out to him and holding nothing back. There is a reason he tells us in scripture that he is the friend who sticks closer than a brother! I walked away from that day feeling motivated, inspired, encouraged, and confident in what I can become and accomplish with God by my side. I believe when I give my best to God he will make my best good enough!